Now it gets personal

I had a personal blog on Tumblr but I hardly did anything with it. Tumblr's so passe now, ZOMG, I wouldn't be caught DEAD posting to that thing!

Just kidding. I thought I'd give Posterous a spin to see how I like it. I actually created a Posterous blog way back in October of 2008 when Posterous was brand-spanky new: I posted once or twice and that was it. We'll see if I even have time to do anything with it this time around. I like that I can auto-post to Twitter and Facebook and all that. Verra kewel.

So when I say this is my personal blog, I really mean it. Like here's how personal: me and my wife are splitting up after being together for nearly 15 years and married for over 10 years. Some of you know me well enough to know something's going on and I may have mentioned it on occasion. Some of you are wondering what's the deal, and I don't feel like repeating myself to every person, so I'm writing this post.

We've always been an odd couple. She's older than me and when we got together in the early nineties, she already had 3 kids. They're all adults, now, and one has a child of her own, so that makes me a 40-year-old granddad (yes, I know, it's weird).

While my wife and I have been great for each other in many ways, we haven't been so great for each other in other ways. We thought that over time and with effort we could "fix" these differences, but nope. We're just different people, and we can't be what the other person truly needs. We know that now. Nobody cheated. Nobody's angry.

It is, however, sad and heart-wrenching and it's tough to be going through this. Good will come of it, I have no doubt, but I spend a lot of time staring off into space just wondering about things and feeling not a little bereft. I feel really emotional and it's hard to keep things under control and get my work done and all that (bills don't stop just because your relationship does), but I'm managing just fine. In some ways, good is already coming out of it. I can't believe all these hot women over 35 on Facebook who want me to meet them! ;-)

I still love her, she still loves me, we're friends and we always will be. Even though we couldn't continue and be truly happy, what we did share for these many years was way deep and very special--and it still is, but the nature of our relationship is changing. Soon we'll be legally separated and then divorced, all amicable.

So that's the deal (as much as I care to say about it anyway). Who knows what I'll talk about next. Maybe shoes. Yes, it will be shoes.

Oh, you think I'm kidding? Just you wait.

Shoes, man.

Jun 30, 2009

Jesse Petersen said...

All the best, man. That was a very nice and tactful way to tire of explaining things. Brilliant!

Lin said...

Michael, I'm of course sorry to hear that things didn't work out between you and your wife, but sometimes it's best to go your separate ways. I truly admire the fact that you and your wife still love and care about each other and will remain friends despite the problems you've had. Being able to part ways on such good terms is incredibly admirable - far too many couples split up under the worst of conditions. Sending the best of thoughts and wishes for you both on your new life journey's to come.

Michael Martine said...

Jesse: yes, tactfully lazy, that's me! :-)

Lin, thanks very much. It was an unusual relationship from the beginning, so I guess it makes sense to end it unusually, too. I don't think we could do things any other way. :-)

Jade Craven said...

Hey mate.

My sympathies, but I really admire the way you're approaching it. I often think that people should try separating sooner, so they can remain friends. I've seen too many good couples hate each other because they kept on trying for too long.

Let me know if you need help or just want a chat.

P.S I'm 22 and I want to meet you :-) Hehe, but thats only coz your a really cool blogger and friend!

Jade, thanks, I appreciate it. We tried for a long time because we had faith it could be done. You can grow all you want but you can only ever be yourself, and it's just not in our natures to be the right person for each other.

PS: your PS sounds just all the ads I see now when I log into Facebook! ;-)

Jul 08, 2009

Chris Garrett said...

Sorry to hear about that, but good that you are separating on friendly terms. Going to be quite the pivotal year for you - interesting times for Mr Martine indeed :S

You know it. I had a feeling this year would be big for me, but of course I had no idea how big. Time to rock. Thanks for commenting and good to see you here. :-)

Melanie Langenhan said...

Michael, seems that you have a great way how to handle the challenge in your life, and that you have friends out in the virtual space, too. Take care!

Melanie

Melanie, thanks very much! Friends are good! Glad you're one of them. :-)

Sarah said...

I, too, had a very amicable divorce. We realized that our life goals and core values were incompatible and no amount of therapy was going to make things like kids/no kids (yes, we talked about it before we got married but things changed) and a few others, reconcilable.

That was 8 years ago and we live 8 blocks apart (coincidence, but we both like the neighborhood and work nearby) and are very good friends.

I think it's very sad how so many people are torn up by ugly divorces.

Jul 09, 2009

Sarah, I'm glad to see another example where people didn't follow the script. Thanks for your comment!

caroline jaffe-pickett said...

My first time reading a divorce announcement on a blog. You are very brave and articulate about this, good luck.

Thanks. I think for many people who are getting divorced, one person wronged another, and nobody wants to admit to being the victim or the "bad guy," so it doesn't get mentioned. That's not the case here.

Jul 10, 2009

Stephanie said...

Joining the ranks of "happy it's amicable" but wanted to add that every divorce, no matter how friendly can be really tough. I found this book http://tinyurl.com/nk2a9h to be really helpful during my divorce. What I liked about it was the author didn't try to put divorce in a box. By sharing many stories of couples she has counseled, she painted the most accurate picture I found in the self-help world. (Not that I spent a lot of time there.) I also really like the concept and found it to be very true that you do go through a little bit of "crazy time." It's ok to do that. I think that was the underlying message that made me feel like I was normal and not losing my mind.

So, hope this helps. My life has been improved in countless ways since my divorce and I hope yours is too. But, my heart goes out to you because I know the road. Best of luck!

Stephanie, thanks so much for sharing a little bit of your own experience here, and for the book recommendation. I'll check it out. :-)

Mary Anne Fisher said...

I unplug for just a couple days and come back to find that you quit your day job (yay!) AND you and your wife are separating. You and I knew some time ago that 2009 was going to be a big year.

But like you said, you never know exactly what twists and turns lead to "big."

In light of what you so candidly, courageously shared, I'm not going to say "sorry" because it doesn't seem to fit here. Yet despite the "rightness" of decisions such as these, the road is sometimes bumpy as Stephanie says, and I'm an email or a phone call away, dear friend.

Mary Anne, thanks so much for your words and especially for your friendship. I'll be in touch. :-)

Aug 10, 2009

April said...

I'm so sorry, Mike. I'm always here if you get sick of staring into space or blogging about it and just wanna talk to a live person. ;)

Thanks, April, I appreciate that!

Michael Martine

The Personal Blog of Michael Martine

Now it gets personal

Michael Martine

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